CLASSIFIED — SERVICES OFFERED Experienced marble locator available Wed. afternoons. Specialises in under-fridge retrieval, behind-curtain sweeps, and the interpretation of toddler-dialect coordinates. No job too circular. No route too indirect. Will double back. Will check again. Will pretend not to see the obvious one so you can find it yourself. References: Yogi (unavailable for comment). Rates: one "Daddy" per hour, paid in advance. Satisfaction not guaranteed; satisfaction not the point.