Sun, 6 September

Yields: one lopsided three-tier cake, one stolen icing-ball, several near-catastrophes. Ingredients: - 1 bear, plump, wearing a paper hat at an angle he refuses to correct - 3 tiers of sponge, built with more confidence than measurement - buttercream, swirled thick enough to hide the leaning - felt icing-balls, exactly as many as the bear can defend - 1 raccoon, dungareed, opportunistic, fast - 1 wooden spoon, wielded not thrown - 1 tortoise, cardiganed, patient as the oven - 1 parcel, wrapped lumpily by hands unused to corners - streamers, folded by hands still learning where paper ends - 1 terrier, mid-errand, list clenched, opinions withheld Method: Build the cake taller than is wise. Let it lean; do not correct it — a lean is a decision, not a flaw. Post the icing-balls around the rim like sentries. When the raccoon reaches, count to three before you swing the spoon — the third time earns the swing. Pass the parcel hand to paw in a ring that never quite closes. Let the cat sleep through it. Let one icing-ball escape. Do not chase it past the table. Serve while everyone is still moving.