FLAT-PACK ASSEMBLY (FIELD CONDITIONS) Ingredients: One drawer carcass, birch, pre-cut. One front panel, now load-bearing. It is doing fine. One back panel, pending. One label reading WRONG-END END, in your own handwriting. One rubber mallet, held loosely by a thirteen-year-old in the attitude of a question. One folded instruction sheet, not consulted, not missing. One lamp, amber, unplugged. Still on. Don't worry about it. One dog, asleep, back turned to the ongoing situation. Method: Assemble in order. If order is not possible, reassemble in the order that happened. Note: the front going on first is technically an error and practically fine. This is the correct ratio. Yield: one drawer, one Sunday, one conversation about how many more. For the headache: do not attempt the second drawer until the first one stops being funny. Note on conditions: ignore the armoured vehicle. It was always there. You were always here. The lamp is the warmest thing for a mile.